Ten years ago

Ten years ago, I woke up suddenly, but stayed still, lying in bed.

In the room next door, my housemate had his television on — unusually early for him. I didn't hear anything specific, but the noise was enough to give me a sinking feeling. I remember lying in bed, not wanting to flip on my television, because I knew something horrible had happened. I lay there for minutes, trying to second guess my gut, hoping the slow panic filling my stomach was imagined.

When the feeling wouldn't go away, I sat up, finding the remote, and flipped on the television and watched the horror of 9/11 unfold.

I was stunned — numb. I can't remember when I woke or what I saw on TV. I remember the news outlets confirming we were under attack. The towers hadn't come down yet and full tragedy of the day hadn't unfolded.

I remember talking to Laura that day. I asked her not to cross the bridge to get to school. She lived in Berkeley at the time, attending SFSU. Crossing the bridge was part of her normal commute. I think she eventually went to class, but no one else did.

I went into the lab having just started graduate school at the University of Arizona. Everyone was at work, but no one was working. I was glued to my laptop, watching CNN online trying to understand what was happening and where.

I don't remember the full events of the day. I was shocked, to say the least. And I was very apprehensive. My dad sent an ominous email — 9/11, a second day of infamy — was the only message. I knew this meant our country would retaliate. And I knew that meant many would die that never deserved that fate, just like those who had died this day.

What a strange time. Only days before, Laura and I had purchased tickets for a mid-October trip to Las Vegas. We ended up getting married on that trip. We were traveling often between Tucson and Alameda in those days. The airports were mostly empty save for a few frequent fliers and the new security provided, in part, by the national guard.

It is a sad day to relive. A sad day to remember. A sad inflection point in the history of our country and the world. I'll be honest, though.

I don't consciously remember this event everyday (no, I'm not Oprah). Though, I won't forget the day. The impact of those events have changed world events. But, I'm not sure if they've changed me. My life has changed — I have changed. I can't say that I would have made different decisions in my life as a result of this catastrophe. Are you a different person as a result of 9/11?