This is how I feel these days. I feel like I'm constantly nagging these kids all day long. I don't feel like I get to have much fun with them. Most of my day is spent trying to keep up with things, like laundry, cooking, driving, cleaning, laundry, driving,feeding a baby, naps, driving, grocery shopping, helping with homework, laundry that sometimes it feels like my only interaction with my children is to tell them what they're doing wrong. And they do wrong things all day long!!
When something is starting to happen where I have to intervene, say someone is going to kill someone else (ok, ok, maybe not kill but hurting someone else in my house is not ok and maybe I treat it the same sometimes) or getting Abigail to do her homework, or getting the kids to clean up their messes, or getting Ben to let me change his diaper, or getting Collette to follow my directions, or getting Gabe to eat a meal in one sitting, or explaining over and over why they can't watch TV, or keeping Ben from taking Sharpie to my couch, or..... You get the point, it's endless.
But more and more I just feel like that's all I do with my kids. I feel like I'm not a very "fun" Mom to be around a lot of the times. I love my kids. I want them happy and healthy and I want them to be good people and kind and in the end, productive members of society. Am I helping with all my rants and raves? I surely feel like it in the moment. Kindness starts at home, right? So I have to be a drill sergeant with them and pound it into their brains that kindness to their siblings will lead to kindness outside of the home...right?? I don't want to pay the extra money to the water company because Collette insists on watering the fence and telling her once doesn't work for some reason.
Usually when these things start and something is bothering me I tell them, "Please stop doing that because I don't want to get upset with you but if you keep doing it, I will eventually get upset and I don't think it will take too long." But do they listen? Usually no. Usually I have to get upset and I honestly don't want to! I want them to listen the first time and be done and move on to being a fun Mom. Why? Why don't they do what I tell them to??
Am I the only one out there that feels like that's all they do all day long? Is it because I have 4 children close together? Is it because I have children who don't take me seriously? Is this just what I signed up for and didn't know it? In all honesty, I think part of it is that I am no subscriber to being my kids "friend". I am their mother and they have friends at school. But I do want to enjoy my time with them and I want them to enjoy me. And I don't have much else going on in my life (with what extra time?) I was venting to my friend Julianne the other day about how it's hard with 4 kids because that's all I do. I don't have very many friends that call me just to see if I can hang. I don't do much of anything outside of these kids and this house. Maybe my patience thins because I'm surrounded by this all day long. That being said, there are times when I think I have a lot more patience than others might have and I'm not doing too bad. And then something happens and I get upset again :(
Any words of advice? Anyone out there reading this and know how I'm feeling? How about just anyone out there reading this?
i'm right there with you sista... i swear, its in one ear and out the other with joel and kadin. in fact, i just went in to their room because they were out of bed and goofing around even though i had warned them not 10 minutes ago that there would be consequences if they got out of bed. and so goes the story day after day. so i guess i don't have any advice... i need it too. ha! but i will say that you're doing a great job even though you don't feel like you are. being a tough but loving parent is definitely more important than being a "friend" to your kids. keep plugging away and i will, too. :) loves!
ReplyDeleteYou know I am here! I am your #1 fan! Yes, this is what we all signed up for...but it was in the small print, so we didn't see it. :) lol
ReplyDeleteI totally agree, we are not friends, we are parents...but I encourage you to loosen up once in awhile and have fun, even if your breaking a "rule."
It won't ruin the kids and they will have a blast. Like I let them take turns jumping off the couch into pillows. I told them we cannot do this any other time, but right now! Or pick them up from school and get them an 80 cent ice cream at McDonalds and tell them you appreciate all they do with the heavy demands that you put on them.
You are great, Laura! Don't be hard on yourself, we all have these thoughts, everyday! Hang in there!
I would love for you to come to Spain or me to come to California to hang out. I only have two kiddos and I feel at times that I cannot even go to the bathroom without all hell breaking loose. I could give you advice like you should cherish the time your have with your kids and you'll look back one day and wish for them to be this age again and BLAH BLAH BLAH......this words have never helped me they just make a feel even worse. All I can say is that being a mom is HARD. We all have days when we feel like the stepmother. Does this make us a bad mom? No, it just makes the good moments only that much better even if they are on a weekly basis. You are doing a great job :) Lots of LOVE.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel better, i completely empathize and I've only got 1 (6 yrs now!) that I have to nag. I think that this is the stuff people talk about when they mention motherhood being hard work. I mean, you're teaching social skills, hygiene, interpersonal and intrapersonal behavior, psychology, home ec, integration of values in word and deed, etc etc etc. Mothers really have to be 20 different professions rolled into one. And it is hard.
ReplyDeleteI am so there! It seems worse with the prego hormones. I am terrified of having another one and messing up another child (too late now) with my nagging and endless "Turn off the light please" or "Why are you hitting your sister again?" or "Go sit on your bed until you can calm down and act appropriately" or "You really stink, go sit in the bath tub for a while." Sheesh! I have been making a conscious effort to be better, some days are worse than others and with summer coming and my oldest being home all day I am dreading it a bit. Shhhhh.
ReplyDeleteI had these exact thoughts today!! You are not alone. I got so frustrated because it took the kids FOREVER to load up in the car today, and just as we are pulling out, Cayden says that he needs to pee and CANNOT hold it. Seriously?!?!?! How horrible is it that I get mad when my 4 year old needs to pee? I should be grateful he is potty trained, right? Or there was also the pet worm in his pocket today...he was devastated when I told him his pet could not live in his pocket...I will spare you the details. I have been thinking that Keir & I need to take turns taking each kid out for a fun date on a regular basis, without the other kids. It is impossible to have "fun" with them and make memories they will cherish when I am nagging - but when it is one on one there is usually no need for nagging.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you. And I only have 2 kids. And one of them is still a baby. So, I think you're doing much better than I am!
ReplyDeleteIf another generation's opinion and experience helps, you voice our frustrations and anxiety's exactly. There are 5 mothers here at work and all of them read your blog and sympathized with you and had total understanding and remembered those days. Still, with all my anxiety, worry, guilty feelings and belief that I was the world's worse mother, both of you turned out to be amazing women and wonderful mothers. Give yourself a break - you are human, after all and it's hard to give, give, give and feel that little is given back. It does comes, but in small increments and mostly when you are a grandmother. Have patience, honey, it's worth it.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to point out that the next day Laura called 'good.' She mentioned she should probably post about it, but was too tired :)
ReplyDeleteI think you are remarkable. Has any of your children asked you if you are their REAL mother? Look at all the friends that have responded to you! You have quite a life - not much time to reflex on that, but quite a life. I never thought the little kids time was the best time - though there are some good times. I so love going to the bathroom without an entourage, getting more than 1 1/2 seconds to call my own, not having to stay up until 1:30 in the morning so that I can have some quiet sanity time, not having to wash and fold a mountain of laundry EVERY DAY, not getting to do any work that can't get undone or destroy within 5 minutes time, not feeling tired most of the time, not having everyone tell me that I look tired, not being able to do anything because my children's needs came first and there was no time after that except that 1:30 in the morning time, not having enough money or time to quite make it. I don't miss it. It was so much more fun when they could do more for themselves. Since children don't come with off switches, there are just going to be some bad times. Maybe that was part of the plan. Successful kids learn coping skills. You don't have to be the only one coping with bad days. Once again - YOU ARE REMARKABLE, BEAUTIFUL and a REALLY TERRIFIC REAL MOM!
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother's Day! Every time I see Cinderella I think to myself - crap, I'm just like the evil stepmother! Why can't I wake up cheerful and singing with the birds just like Cinderella?! Tonight at bedtime I finally told the girls that if they didn't settle down and go to sleep that I would not take them with us to Utah this week but that they would have to stay at my mom's house and be on Cinderella duty (that means do chores until they are cheerful and obedient like Cinderella). How's that for evil stepmother? Wait, so according to my own logic, I need to be doing more chores???!!
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